What happened to Jackie-O?

or, preserving the dignity of your femininity

What happened first, This Wednesday I dropped in on Coffee talk at Danielle Bean's blog, and penned a couple of thoughts on a couple of topics

Dressing Modestly

This is between you and your husband, and if you have children, then you (parents) determine how your children dress.

Personally - I wear my hair braided and cover my head when I go out into public. I do not wear pants or shorts outside of the home, and rarely wear shorts at all. I do not own any pants or jeans. I wear long skirts and feminine tops, or long dresses. Everything I wear, my husband approves. If he does not like it, I do not wear it. I feel uncomfortable in public in shorts, pants, and above-the-knee skirts. I work with Fortune 100 companies, and have never had a challenge aligning how I choose to dress with a very professional, conservative business appearance.

Why do I do this? I chose to, because it honors and respects my Husband. As far as I am concerned, no other man needs to delight in (even through sight) the things about me that my husband delights in. So I choose to reserve these things, just for his pleasure. Which leads me to #2.

Head of Household

Your husband is the head of your household, whether he steps up to assume that role or not. Think of the story of Abigail. Who among us would want to be married to her husband? Yet - Because Abigail always honored her husband as a husband and as the head of the household, and respected, honored, and served him, she received greater honor from God.

I think this is a fine line, and one that should be tread lightly. Certainly, people should not remain in abusive relationships. Yet God clearly establishes a relational order, and the husband is clearly to be the head of the household.

This one has been difficult lesson for me as well - I am very strong-willed and independent, and don’t like asking for permission - for anything.

What I realized (after about 13 years, I’m pretty hard-headed) is that as wives, we are to be servants to our husbands just as our husbands are called to be servants to God.

This happened second

You cover your head? Seriously? With what? All day long? And what kind of work do you do that your employer allows this? Are you secretarial level or managerial or executive level? I find it almost impossible to believe that any executive-level profession would ever allow this.

And, if you have children, what do they think of it? Do they ever experience any discomfort when their friends are over? I mean, this is not exactly something that is done this century. Or last, come to think of it. Except by religious.

Look, if that floats your boat, fine, but it’s certainly not Catholic teaching. And my husband would be decidedly….extremely uncomfortable if I ever tried anything like that.

A little shy today

I had to chuckle when I read that last post because it was exactly what I was thinking!

Fashionista Mom

I’m just a Catholic mom of four. My husband is the “head” of our household, in the sense that he is the breadwinner. He thinks I’m hot and he tells me just about everyday. I’m a total clothes horse, and have been that way since I was 13 and discovered “Seventeen” magazine and then moved up to Vogue.
I love fashion and would never be caught dead in braides or a long Mormon dress. Am I not being a good wife? Am I not holy enough for others if I show some cleavage or wear a short skirt? I think we are treading on some serious protestant ground here, where the body is more important than the soul. If a man looks at me lustfully, that is his problem, his sin, not mine. I may be vain, and love fashion, makeup and jewelry, but I love my husband and family more. And since when is beauty a sin? Would Michaeleangelo’s depiction of Mary and Jesus in the Pieta be the same if she was in a burqua?

This happened third - Your comment is awaiting moderation (My comment below is awaiting moderation! I feel like such a rebel!)

Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to share this with you!

Answers to your questions - My husband and I own our own consulting company. We work for ourselves, towards a goal of a self-sustaining lifestyle.

When meeting with clients or presenting at conferences, I cover my head with a simple folded silk scarf tied around my head and a french-braid or french-knot at the nape of my neck.

Other times - a ‘fun’ scarf, a cute hat, a ball cap, a thick headband. I’m curious about the kids reference - do your kids think you look funny in a ball cap? Haven’t you ever had a bad hair day and put on a cap or scarf?

I never look like a freak, I’m never mistaken for a Mormon or Muslim or Amish, or any other religion that requires women to cover their heads. And I’m not sure why the thought of covering the head is so strange - women throughout fashion history have worn hats and scarves.

for more ideas, see http://www.greatestlook.com/tyingscarves.html - or -
http://www.fashionscarvesandshawls.com/

Fashionsita - I think it’s great that your husband tells you that you are beautiful every day. After 13 years, so does mine - we are indeed fortunate women! How you dress is a matter of personal choice - it’s between you and your husband. My husband likes the “conservative librarian look” in public, and the thought that the wild-curly-haired tanned and toned italian supermodel at home is just for him drives him crazy when we are alone. (just kidding about the supermodel part!)

I was just sharing my way of honoring and respecting my husband, since that happened to align with one of the topics today. You can be very fashionable and still be modest.

I personally believe that I do carry some responsibility for how I present myself and my body to the outside world. And as a married woman, I believe I should be careful about how I appear to others, especially because of what Jesus warns in Matthew 5:25 - 29.

You may believe differently. I’m sure there are many righteous Catholic women out there who give you the big “thumbs up!” I think one of the reasons DB gives us this forum to share ideas and thoughts. What’s right for me and my husband may not be right for you and yours. As long as what you do aligns with your faith (I am Catholic) and honors your husband in a way that he wants to be honored - then fly free! :-)

Please Lord, Slap Me Again!

or, thoughts on turning the other cheek

Please Lord, Slap Me Again - I need it. And You love me enough to correct me.

My view is not the ‘standard interpretation’ of the verse, but personally I think that what Jesus was saying is that when you are corrected or disciplined by an elder (the slap on the cheek), offer the other cheek as well (so that you may receive more correction). To me, this verse does not apply to bullying.

I was bullied as a girl, until I was in my very-late teens and learned to stand up for myself. I “turned my cheek all the time” (as I was instructed to do by my elders), and it was only when I stood up for myself that the bullying ended.

Girls can be very malicious indeed.

After living through that experience, and through discussion with my husband, I came to the realization that in that verse, perhaps Jesus was not implying we should “accept verbal, physical, spiritual, or emotional abuse in the form of face slapping and showing loving pacifism by not responding.”

Instead, perhaps that verse was meant to admonish those who believe they know more than their elders, to accept and ask for more spiritual correction when it is offered.

Finding Nobility

My husband is the ultimate defender of the underdog.

When he was 8, he and his friends were being bullied in Hubby’s own backyard by a much older boy (12).

Hubby ran inside to tell Mom, who promptly sent him back outside to confront the bully.

“You will not be a momma’s boy,” she told him,

“Now go stick up for yourself, and if you want that kid out of your yard, you make him leave.”

Hubby found the courage to not only nicely ask the bully to leave the premises, but when the bully refused and took a swing at Hubby, Hubby fought back. And won. And that older boy? Not only did HE not bother the younger kids again, but neither did any of his friends.

And ever since - Hubby has been the ultimate defender of the underdog. The Noble Knight. Honorable.

I think what Mom taught Hubby that day is this - There is a huge difference between Bullying (malicious) and Honor.

It is honorable to defend or stand up for others (or your family, or yourself) when being bullied or taken advantage of.

It is bullying (and not honorable) when you use your strength or intellect or money to unfairly take advantage of or exert your will over others.

The Scuba Sacrifice

or, Bug Killing in Hillbillburbia

It's been a long, hot, humid, steamy July. Perfect bug-incubating weather.

I like to pick garden pests (japanese beetles, colorado potato bugs, stinkbugs, etc) from the tender leaves of my vegetables and flowers and trick them into glass jars.

Then I observe them for a day or two.

Then I kill them.

Slowly.

I watch them so that I can observe their behaviors so that I know how to kill them more effectively in the future.

I kill them with different substances (organic, like water, wine, or beer) and watch their reactions to learn more about effective elimination methods.

OK, sometimes I use leftover kerosene. It works. And I don't use much. And it's leftover, saturated with rainwater so it's unfit for any other use, really.

Honestly. Don't hold this against my sustainable living passion.

Gas is very effective.

Does this make me any different in my applied behavior from Hilter, or Cheney, or Bush Sr & Jr?

Or [insert name of infamous person here who strategically eliminated humans and applied scientific knowledge to increase the effectiveness and productivity of the elimination methods]?

I am using gentle language here on purpose.

The German behavior study programs prior to and during WW2 - in which 'selected' people were used in underwater experiments - resulted in the scientific foundation that makes modern scuba and human underwater life-sustaining gear possible.

How evil is that?

I often ponder - what does God think about scuba diving and how it became so?

Makes you think twice before strapping on that oxygen tank and zipping up that wetsuit, huh?

ScubagearUSA - Technology made possible by dead people.

I am, after all, only killing bugs. My hubby - God bless his gentle yet manly soul - can count the amount of insects he has killed on one hand - most of them at my bequest.

I do derive a certain pleasure from watching those Japanese beetles swim around and then slowly spin to a stop and drop to the bottom of the jar, joining hundreds that danced the same dance before.

I get even more excited when I capture a mating pair:

Score!, I think, Just broke that cycle for next year!

They are, after all, I reassure myself, only bugs. And they eat the heck out of our vegetable leaves, grapes, hibiscus, roses, and sunflowers.

No, I'm not like Hitler. Or any of the others.

Not at all.